Optimism v. Pessimism - Or How I learned to hate absolutes

I often question whether my pessimism is a learned or inherent behavior. Am I am a dark grumpy cloud at times because I am simply wired that way? Or have the experiences of my life, the dreams deferred, the mistakes, the public elimination and discontinuation of Surge and Oldsmobile, national and international tragedies and so much more, made me that dark cloud? Perhaps it is illuminating that I have always preferred Grumpy Bear to Cheer Bear and Oscar over Big Bird.

Definitions of 'optimism' [op-tuh-miz-uhm] Dictionary.com -(noun)

 

1. tendency to have a favorable view of things

2. the belief that good will prevail

 

Over the past few years I have tried to make a serious effort to have a favorable view of things. I try not to get too down when little things happen, a bad tip, crappy traffic, a winter that won't end etc. It has been a struggle at times and it is a constant battle. Some moments I'm good at it. Some moments I'm incapable of seeing even the slightest light at the end of the tunnel. And if I do, I'm convinced it's simply an oncoming train. 

However, part 2 is something I'm not sure I can do. At times it feels that life isn't about good prevailing. It's about good surviving. Did good prevail in Boston last week? No. Good survived. If good had prevailed, the bombers would have been caught before they could place those pressure cookers. The great and amazing thing about good is that it can and does survive. 

The good vs. evil dynamic is a version of the zombie apocalypse. Good doesn't defeat evil in the way that survivors don't defeat zombies. There is no cure. There is no eradication coming. Good must survive evil. Not prevail. Good is a survivor and sometimes good has to capture evil, cut it's jaw off and drag it around by a chain so it can alert good to more evil.

From the dictionary definition, I'm working on half of what optimism is. And I reject even the premise of the second part. So perhaps I'm more in line with pessimism. 

Definitions of 'pessimism' [pes-uh-miz-uhm] Dictionary.com - (noun)

 

1. the tendency to expect the worst

 

Is it just me or does it seem like Dictionary.com just mailed in the detail on this definition. Though, ironically perhaps I'm just being pessimistic. 

"The tendency to expect the worst" At times I do expect the worst. But more often, I find myself caught off guard by the worst. I don't walk up to every table expecting a horrible tip or a impossible to please patron. I don't watch every sporting event expecting a loss for the home team. Inexplicably, I still expect to date and find love. I believe that my children's lives will be filled with possibility and look eagerly forward to watching them grow and experience life. 

Yet. I trend toward expecting the worst as events unfold. If the food comes out wrong, or we are out of something or I take too long to get the seven slices of lemon that a table desires - I expect the worst (No tip, lose job, stabbed with spork). If the Twins are suddenly down by four runs in the first inning and the offense looks as completely lost at the plate - I expect the worst (Career ending injuries, 25-0 loss, No hitter). When I ask someone out and get a lukewarm or traditionally bad response (Washing my hair, Just so busy right now, You're so nice and fun and a great friend) - I expect the worst. (alone forever, forget the feel of human touch). When things like the Boston bombing, bullies in the classroom, teachers who are poorly placed, school districts that split a school in two for financial reasons over educational reasons, the rising debt, those aforementioned evil zombies - I expect the worst (My children unhappy).

So what does this mean? (Luther's Catechism reference!) 

In summation, I'm a half optimist who has pessimistic tendencies as the evil seems to prevail over the good. 

In short, I'm probably just human. 

And that's ok.