Awkward Fundraising

I don't go to a lot of fundraisers. It's really not my world. I don't have the disposable income or the shoes to be out at auctions and luncheons etc. But once a year, I attend a fundraiser for the kids school parent teacher organization.

The event has been held in several different places over the past few years and I always enjoy checking out new venues. This year's event was held in the upstairs room of Sweeneys in St Paul. I didn't even know there was an upstairs.

Two separate bar areas and a dance floor. The silent auction items, always difficult to organize were set up along the wall, directly across from the buffet line that wrapped around the stair case. It was a neat layout that the stair case enters into the center of the space. So immediately you are immersed in the room.

There was a string quartet playing covers of popular songs like Gaga's Poker Face and Coldplay. Something I have had an affinity for since I first experienced Metallica and the San Franciso Symphony and Apocalyptica. The food was better than standard buffet fare, the meatballs were especially delicious. I still regret not going back for more.

Too many people in a small space, no presentation from the interns as they have had in the past, it was very functional. I purchased two activities for the kids, art for P, Tae Kwon Do and ice cream for K. (Kids doing martial arts while on a sugar high could probably have it's own youtube channel.) All in all it was fun night. Even if my father did spend too much in the silent auction on the art pieces each of my kid's classes created. But it was for, you know, kids.

One more thing I must point out as I try to do a better job of celebrating, acknowledging the good in my days. I am lucky that I have reached a point in my life where myself, my parents and my ex-wife can all carpool to an event, laugh, bait me into dancing with my son's kindergarten teacher, guard silent auctions bids like secret service agents, and in general eat, drink and be merry. Not a lot of divorcees have that type of relationship. So I've got that going for me.

Five for Friday

As I try to do a better job of writing, I'm going to try and start a weekly list of five things. Statements. Recommendations. Thoughts. Fears. Nonsense.

 1. Mikael Granland is pretty outstanding. I'm totally fan crushing.

2. I've listened to way more Paramore than most 33 year old males in the past three days.

3. The stress my 9 year old daughter feels about MCA tests that have no impact on her future makes me sick, someone even dropped the "permanent record" BS  on her.

4. I have serious doubts that I will find the right partner. Maybe that's OK.

5. Looking at all the old pictures for #tbt makes me realize how much I've let creative outlets escape from my life. I need to try that again. Not just write. Photoshop. Theater. Even Legos

Whimpy Wedesdays

I struggle with depression. Have for a long time. Sometimes it wins. Winter is especially rough. This year it was the late spring/fake summer/contestant cold that really drove me down. The past four weeks haveben ugly. Hermit tendencies. Lack of motivation to do the little things, like eat, clean, shower. But I fought through. But I did a lot of thinking. And not just the dark and dreary type that usually comes with the depression.

I've always been pretty good at the big moments. The crisis. The romantic gesture. The  grand play. The lead role. All the stuff I learned from media. I know Ferris's day off. Never learned how to do all the days on.

Not every day can be epic. Not every moment can give you goose bumps. Not every kiss can stop time.  And I have a hard time accepting that.

I love movies. But movies don't show the regular stuff. Laundry, cleaning, punching the clock. I watched PCU the night before I moved to college.I saw Office Space Three times the weekend it came out when I was 18. My perceptions, biases set me up for a fall.

I wanted to be Ferris, Parker Lewis, Dobey Gillis. i wanted to rebel against the man. Take that printer out into a field and go off. I, a suburban white kid, really wanted to rebel against something.

But I am off track. Whimpy wednesdays. The regular stuff. Life is made up of the regular stuff. Not every day can be epic. I can't always fight the man, call in fake sick, borrow the hot car, kiss the pretty girl. Some days you have to do the laundry. Clean. Go to bed early. be lame.

The biggest challenge for me is to accept that. Find the joy in whimpy Wednesdays.