Whimpy Wedesdays

I struggle with depression. Have for a long time. Sometimes it wins. Winter is especially rough. This year it was the late spring/fake summer/contestant cold that really drove me down. The past four weeks haveben ugly. Hermit tendencies. Lack of motivation to do the little things, like eat, clean, shower. But I fought through. But I did a lot of thinking. And not just the dark and dreary type that usually comes with the depression.

I've always been pretty good at the big moments. The crisis. The romantic gesture. The  grand play. The lead role. All the stuff I learned from media. I know Ferris's day off. Never learned how to do all the days on.

Not every day can be epic. Not every moment can give you goose bumps. Not every kiss can stop time.  And I have a hard time accepting that.

I love movies. But movies don't show the regular stuff. Laundry, cleaning, punching the clock. I watched PCU the night before I moved to college.I saw Office Space Three times the weekend it came out when I was 18. My perceptions, biases set me up for a fall.

I wanted to be Ferris, Parker Lewis, Dobey Gillis. i wanted to rebel against the man. Take that printer out into a field and go off. I, a suburban white kid, really wanted to rebel against something.

But I am off track. Whimpy wednesdays. The regular stuff. Life is made up of the regular stuff. Not every day can be epic. I can't always fight the man, call in fake sick, borrow the hot car, kiss the pretty girl. Some days you have to do the laundry. Clean. Go to bed early. be lame.

The biggest challenge for me is to accept that. Find the joy in whimpy Wednesdays.