All of My Social Coping Mechanisms have Collapsed. But I still have my dog.

There have to be one million "First Day of Quarantine/Social Distancing" blogs. So why not one more. I worked as much as I could yesterday, from open to close (limited as it was) at the restaurant. A place it took me 12 years to get hired in. I returned to the industry when I asked the GM years ago how I could someday be a part of that place. She said, well you need recent experience, the next week I begged a friend for a reference at Champps and was back in. But it took years and even burning out and leaving the industry again to earn a spot at my chosen place.

I am a nearly 40 year old divorced white male. The vast majority of my friendships come from my workplace, my hobbies and my common retail and service locations. I am what you would potentially call a regular. I value seeing people I trust, sharing minimal amounts of detail and if being truly honest, being remembered.

I worked at the visual location of Cheers in Boston for nearly three years and often in the gift shop, where I spent most of my time, people would walk in and ask me if I knew there name. Of course, I didn't know every tourists name and learned not to guess. But the power of someone knowing your name, your drink, your favorite meal is really something that people underestimate. In in opinion the worst thing that can happen is to be forgotten. Apathy is so much worse than hate. Then it seems logical that being remembered is close to heavenly.

Which means that right now, I am in hell. My social coping mechanisms of restaurants and bars, cigar shops and even delivery places is all broken. I love to watch movies but the theaters are closed. I have enjoyed swimming even though I am the youngest at the mid-day lap swim by 20 years and yet still get lapped. But the community center is closed. I served at my place for one last time yesterday and I spent half the shift biting my lip so I wouldn't tear up.

Acquaintances, coworkers, friends all came in. And I knew that I wouldn't see them for weeks or who knows maybe more. People who would smile when they see me, ask about my family, support me as teammates. I've been to these people's weddings, birthdays. I've shared my struggles and they have shared theirs with me. Now we all have to hit pause.

I just hope it's not stop. I am a horrible communicator. I do not share information or feelings well. If I do, in person it is more likely and then maybe some ill written texts when I get too close to the breaking point.

Many of the familiar faces I know, whom I have learned about over the past decade, I do not actually have much contact information for. Many I do. But historically, I am a bad "first contact" type of person. So I worry that I will not connect with so many over the next days, weeks and maybe months.

And then there is being the father of teenagers, who are going through all their own stuff. My daughter recently got cast in a play in a city 30 min drive away from home and I couldn't have been happier. Multiple 30 min drives with my kids in the car, sharing their music choices and reacting the world, having conversations and learning about them? Pure heaven. I will hate this virus for a lot of things, but nothing so much as taking those car rides and shared experiences away from me.

Today I didn't know what to do with myself. No work. No kid events. A directive to stay inside. Avoid contact. For the good of others. I made it roughly 15 hours before I just drove to get gas so I could see humans. I live alone. And social distancing has reminded me just how alone that really is. It is going to be hard and I'm worried I will shrink back, not contact people and likely as is my way when I am scared, push people away. I don't want to. But history has a lot of reminders of what I have done and am likely to do again.

Though all this is my dog. My rescue mutt who has been used to me being gone during the day. When I am home she patrols, sniffs, does recognizance and general protects me from squirrels, random joggers and the mail person. Yet today she has been on the clock for nearly 24 hours. Understandably she is exhausted and seemingly a bit confused. I went outside and sat in my car for 30 min so she would take a break. But I'm not sure she really relaxed. She never saw or heard me drive away so I think she was on to me.

I fear losing my acquaintances. My friends. My coworkers. I fear what isolation will potentially allow my depression and anxiety to assume. I know there will be assumptions and I know that they are simply that. But isolation, idleness and depression can form a persuasive trio when there is little other evidence.

Which is why dogs may be the one thing that saves us during all of this. Lorelei is always there, always protecting, always close. Which I couldn't need more now than ever before.