As I was walking home tonight after walking a friend out to their car and making sure they were safe, I crossed the road, and then in front of me was a black cat, sweet lovable black cat, who rubbed up against me and asked for pets and scratches but definitely did not want to be picked up -I tried to negotiate with her.
I said follow me home and I’ll take care of you but if you wish to go your own way, I will respect it.
10 feet away and she ran to the dumpster and examined things out for 10 minutes and then walked the other way.
I desperately wanted her to follow me to convince her that I had to take care of her when in truth , all she needed that moment was a little comfort a little solace from whatever she’s dealing with, but she certainly didn’t need was a dumbass who desperately wanted to be the white male savior.
I waited and she walked around the dumpster, sniffed what she could sniff and then walked over to side of the parking lot and sat by a sidewalk
I didn’t save her. She didn’t want me to save her. In fact she was grateful for the attention I gave her but also that was the limit of my existence in her life. She sat by the sidewalk and I sat 100 feet away wondering if she needed my help.
It was clear to me that she did not , and that my need to be a hero had nothing to do with her reality. This is a cat that was perfectly secure where she was perhaps waiting for her owner/friend/roommate to come home.
She was without need and without any notification she was exactly what she was and the need for a knight and shining any rescue was unnecessary.
She was exactly what she was and that in itself more sure of purpose in their own self than I know in mine.
It was my ego that wanted; needed to be the hero. It was her grace to give me a bit of attention and to let me feel her peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment