Friday, February 7, 2025

Chaos in the Memories


Today was a day of chaos and memories. 

A mess of thoughts and past realities. 
I visited a place I idealized and found echos of the ideal and realities that subterfuge that ideal. 

I stood in a funeral home alone with a body for 10 minutes. 
It was a different type of visitation. 

Yet in a city I was born in. Of which I have flawed and imperfect memories. 

Sharing space with a body in a weird space between now and then felt very…

Normal? Comfortable? Ok? 

This man was loved in life. His accomplishments on a table. Yet in some weird moment of timing. It was just me and him. 

A man I didn’t know. But who I had come to mourn through family obligation. Not obligation then duty. It’s a fine line. 

I was warmed by the way this many was spoken of, the way his family and friends wrote and told his story. 

Here in this place that I have such connection to, but not hold on, this place that my memory of has had a hold on me. 

It was a ridiculous juxtaposition. Me returning to my place of birth to walk into a place of death. A funeral home. A visitation. In so many different ways. 

He seemed peaceful in his repose. I aim for that level of comfort in reality some day. 

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