Fall Television Premieres, Squirrels, and Whatnot

I decided tonight that I would write a blog about the new fall television season, specifically the new shows I am not watching via Hulu. Like all good plans and blogs. It started as one thing and became something entirely different.

I love the fall. I love the chill in the air. I love the possibility of new things. Spring is the supposed to be the season of birth, of creation. But to me, as a child of educators, as a live long student, as a media addict. Nothing can beat the fall.

New drama. New comedy. New characters. New worlds to explore. This is what fall means to me. Spring is the season of finales, endings, cancellations, graduations and moving on. Plus some nature stuff happens as well.

This fall, I have been excited to see new shows. Familiar faces in new places like James Spader on Blacklist, Maggie Lawson graduating from cable to network, Ichabod Crane as a super spy and yes, more Marvel's Agents of Shield.

I have watched the pilots of several series and my plan was to review them all here for you, but one took over my thinking and will hopefully get it's own post. Long. Ridiculous post. So yes. Here is a fall TV premiere review without any of Fury's chosen few. From a nerd. 

I added squirrels instead.

Oh. Ahem. SPOILER ALERT!!!!

Sleepy Hollow

Yes. I know. It' doesn't fit with the book. It has Dan Brown level of exposition and random happy coincidences. But you know what. I don't care.

The headless horseman is Death. Yeah, that Death. Not the cute Neil Gaiman version, the book of Revelation version. He is a bad dude. In the first episode he clearly adapts to modern weaponry. Ok. It's over the top. It's ridiculous. Ichabod isn't a bookish nerd, he's former British special ops who falls in love with a witch and is best buds with George Washington. His death and rebirth is tied to the Horseman's and he teams with a talented sheriff with a scary moment in the past. The two of them may be the only thing standing in the way of Armageddon. And not the animal cracker sex move kin of Armageddon. It shouldn't work. It's not at all believable.

I don't care. It's fun. It's camp. Of course there is a series of interconnecting tunnels under Sleepy Hollow built by George Washington. (Clearly the Vietcon were big Washington tactical fans) Of course the Kurgen from Highlander is the friendly, father like sheriff who gets his head chopped off. And who else but Harold from Harold and Kumar could help bring about the apocalypse?

It's strange. But the show knows it and doesn't care. It goes big. It embraces it. It works.

Watch Sleepy Hollow if you need an escape and park your suspension of disbelief at that door.

The Blacklist 

James Spader was going to be an admiral. He had the world on a string. Then he quit. He became a super spy who everyone hated. Top 10 most wanted for years. Then he turns himself in and wants to make a dead. He's got a list. A brand new female profiler as his side kick and he's going to break all the rules for some mysterious purpose. Help the government catch the bad guys it doesn't even know exist.

It's a bit Silence of the Lambs, it's a bit Count of Monte Cristo and it's all not supposed to work. Spader is having so much fun chewing up scenery that it doesn't matter. The minor characters, including his new profiler side kick are simply there to set up his moves. The scripts are weak. The mysteries will be too sledgehammer. (Kidnapping an admirals daughter to blow up a zoo? The Penguins of Madagascar had more evolved plans.) But again. It's fun. Spader owns the show. He's loving every minute of it. He's playing a caricature and he knows it. The show will fail when he becomes bored. Until then, I'll watch every minute of it.

Dads

I love sitcoms. I personally believe that I kept Platypus Man and Pig Sty on the air by myself for several weeks out of sure unadulterated love. I wish I was Seth Green. Casting him as the idea man for a video game company whose partner is also dealing with a live in father who is a pain in the ass. Sure. That works.

It's formulaic and the jokes aren't breaking new ground - they just had an episode about pot brownies for the love of mike. Each episode is full of more smile and smirk jokes than belly laugh ones. Yet, I watch. Maybe because I have parents. Maybe because I've hosted a party my father showed up too and became the life of. Maybe because I don't know if Brenda Song is playing an Asian stereotype or against type or just happy to have a job that isn't Disney. Nonetheless, the only way this show would have me more interested is if William Shatner or my own father were playing one of the titular roles.

Back in the Game

I love Maggie Lawson. I love Juliet from Psych. I love that as one show is winding down for her another might just be lifting off. (Much like I expect more Agent Hill on Agents of Shield after HIMYM concludes). James Caan is mostly mailing it in. And the concept makes me wonder if there is a story beyond one season. But I'm happy to have Maggie on my screens as much as possible.

Yeah it's a bad omen that there was a movie of the same name with Amy Adams and Clint Eastwood that was about baseball and bombed this summer. I fear it doesn't have much of a chance. But I'll right letters, tweets or throw a baseball at someone's head to keep Maggie around.

Marvel's Agents of Sheild

It gets its own post. I'll explain. No wait. There is too much. Instead.

Squirrels.

Mother @#$@#% squirrels.

I'm at war. My yard is a safe place for animals. I have deer walk through. I have a local owl. I have named at least 3 rabbits, all Bob or Bobette, that have residence in my yard. The squirrels and I have had a easy truce for almost two years. But then one went and got himself squished by my garage door. Honestly how does that happen? It's like Michael Palin running over Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda, except without the feet stuck in concrete. How dumb do you have to bed to die via slowly moving garage door?

Then another croaks in the front yard. Seriously? What the hell nature? I've got two young kids who don't need to see the miracle of decomposition up close. Die somewhere else.

If it was just the dying, I could let it go. I mean, really it's not completely the squirrel's fault. Except for the garage door....seriously. WTF.

It's the nuts. The damned black walnuts that fall from a tree in my yard. They eat them. They peal them. They leave walnut casing all over my yard. And on my porch. They crawl along the side of my stucco'd house like Spiderman. They roll the walnuts off of my roof in such a way to make me feel like Hudson in Aliens (there in the walls man!!! The @^$#^$ walls!!!!).

Tonight I walked to my porch. Scattered the walnut casings and made a pronouncement. Least the squirrels should claim they were not warned....

"Dearest Squirrels. I love your scampering ways. Your childlike enthusiasm. Your dexterity of at least 8 die. But if you don't stop leaving your walnut peelings on my porch, I will be forced to purchase both a yippy dog and a pellet gun to hunt you down. You may gather your nuts for winter. But if I see another pile of walnut reside on my porch. Your nuts are mine!"

I swear I heard one of those @#$@# things laugh....

Maybe I should get another garage door. 

Links, Allegations and Little Left Unsaid.

I spend an abnormal about of time browsing the internet each night. I might have insomnia. I might hate the dreams my subconscious sends my way. I might simple need a more comfortable pillow. Nonetheless, here are some fun things I've recently found.

A red Star Trek uniform as a cycling jersey. That's just tempting fate. And traffic.

I really enjoy The Silent Comedy musically. It's cool that they are partnering to raise money though unique merchandise as well.

Yes. Everyone has heard Ylvis "What does the Fox say?" by now but as the Lonely Island/Weird Al of Scandinavia they have some great other videos as well.

And Stonehenge really hits home. Why did they build it?

What does the Fox say made them huge. I hope it leads people to discover the rest of their work.

Speaking of performance art. Dreds and Breado may be but an internet memory but for two days, they were a thing .

It doesn't rate up there with what Pizza the Hutt did to himself but this onside kick by UL-Lafayette's kicker is pretty impressive.

My son has been asking for super hero pjs and the selection at the local big box stores is always rather mundane. So I found this site and his pjs are in the proverbial mail.

If you haven't yet checked out Walk off the Earth I recommend starting with their cover of Lordes Royals. You'll get caught up in the fun, silliness and songs you didn't realize you knew there after.

 There is a decent chance if I found a lost dog. This would happen.

 If I remember correctly this happened to Joey on Friends way back when. Bad luck. Not the ad you want to be associated with. And she didn't even get paid...

Grantland has some really good stuff. Some about sports, like this piece on the Cleveland Browns draft process. And some about pop culture, like this one about the new fall broadcast shows. Already into the surreal almost silliness of Sleepy Hollow. Reminds me of Grimm.

And finally, while silly this article detailing just how far Rocky must have run in the training montage from Rocky II is both brilliant and pointless. Love it.

Rocky was an ultra-marathoner. But those kids are even more unexplainable. Ah movies.

Origin Story - Kid #2

Today my son is 7. Seven. Such an eventful entry into the world. Premature. Tiny. I've never been so scared in all my life as I drove those miles to Louisville, chasing an ambulance. Scared I'd lose so much. Scared I wouldn't make it in time. Scared I didn't even know what hospital I was going to. He arrived and was so perfect yet so incredibly small. So strong. Once again they asked for a name. Two kids, two times I picked the first name from our list that came to mind. Then worried if I spelled it right. 

After he and mom were safe and resting. I was so wired. I hadn't eaten all day. I left the hospital to find something to eat and try and breathe. Across the street there was of all things, a Hooters. So there I was, eating wings, crying tears of joy/exhaustion/relief and showing Hooters waitresses and other patrons pictures of my newborn son. 

It was surreal. All of it was. But it was good. And so is he. My son.

Fatherhood. Parents v. Kids Games.

I'm a very lucky man. I have two amazing children. I'm not particularly good at being a grown up myself but through the grace of fates, I've somehow been part of raising two of the best people I've ever met. And I was reminded of it tonight.

My two children have been gone for the past 13 days on a trip with their grandparents. Covered over 3000 miles in a Pontiac. Which speaks both to my parents' good natures and the family devotion to General Motors. Today was the day they returned. I had begged my folks to make sure that they were back for today. Because today is one of my favorite days as a Dad.

It was Kids vs. Parents at Tee ball and Soccer. All summer long I watch them grow as individuals, play with others, succeed, fail, get back up and try again. And then I finally get to play too.

It took me a while to realize the one of the gifts of being a parent. The excuse to play. Board games, water fights, dart tag, build legos and even compete in seemingly mismatched adults vs. children game of sport.

Ironically. This is a day I was dreading not even one year ago. I know the expectation. I know that the adults are supposed to make the kids feel good and the kids will win. So we miss an easy grounder or pass it right to the goalie to make the kid feel better. So I was prepared for that. Last summer, I was ready to play my part and placate and make it seem like I was trying even when I wasn't. I was prepared for all of that and the fake grins and ah shucks that come with it.

What I wasn't prepared for, and it's something that I should have come to realize I'm never prepared for and probably won't totally ever truly be..was my daughter.

Last summer at soccer. The parents were doing their parent thing, halfass'ing it and trying to make the kids look good. What none of us expected was that despite our good intentions and desire to build the egos of the kids, they caught on to the B.S. My daughter regularly reminds me of how much she knows, sees, perceives that I don't give her immediate credit for. But I didn't see it coming at all that day on the pitch.

In the middle of the parent v kid pagent of almost trying. My daughter stopped. Turned to me. Gave me a scathing look her mother couldn't have mustered and said at the top of her 7 year old voice with pure righteousness and incredulity...."You're not trying".

She was right. I wasn't. I just had never expected her to know. She followed up by somehow channeling an actor I'm sure she's never seen, Al Pacino. She said...and I quote. "I'm giving my best and I deserve your best."

Yeah. Not expected. The beauty was what happened next. Every kid on her team did the same, looking at their parents and not accepting the half assed kicks or the oops it went through my legs crap. They wanted to beat us fair and square. No gimmicks. No layups.

The entire game changed. It was amazing. These same kids I had watched for two months muck about on the field played with barbarian like intensity. This was their moment, they weren't going to let up because we, as adults, thought we should placate them. And the adults changed too. No. We suddenly weren't all gifted with exquisite skill but all of a sudden we gave a damn and actually started to try. No we didn't start throwing elbows or slide tackling the kid who can't dribble but we didn't just let the ball go through our legs anymore either. We tried. And damn it, our kids deserved that we didn't just roll over.

I feared that maybe that was a one time thing. That my daughter wouldn't challenge me again. That she'd want to win easy, to not worry if I was actually giving it my all. But tonight, though she didn't tell me I wasn't trying or that she deserved my best, she competed. Though not allowed by the coaches, we kept score both personally and as teams, she reveled in both the goal she scored by accident, by having a shot re-directed by her knee from the kid who probably has better facial hair than me (at 8...) and the one that she simply gentled rolled into the opposite corner.

I scored two as well. Still careful not to be that guy who's knocking over kids but also actually giving the goalie shots he has to work to stop. And I showed off a bit. I used ball control to fake one kid on his butt and sent several balls across the middle that could have easily been slotted away by any middle school striker. And the best part is that I found that even when I tried and these 8 and 9 year old kids ran their best at me, they often still won, the ball went out of bounds or was cleared. I swear the look that they had on their faces after I actually ran with them into a corner on a 50/50 ball was worth the fact I was gasping for air.

Not all the parents got into it. There was the Dad in the Barca track jacket who seemed entirely too cool for school. There was a dad who insisted he'd never played before but was excellent in sending decent through balls down the line so I could race a kid who probably was baselining kool aid or something before the game. And yes, I'd been waiting 5 weeks to score a goal against the loud mouth kid who is a horrible goalie and made a snide comment about a scoring chance my daughter had weeks ago. It wasn't perfect. But it was worth every time I gasped for breath or considered telling my 6 yr old to call 911.

I tried to save a ball from going out over the end line and resulting in a goal kick by a over zealous hook slide approach and reroute it for a throw in instead. I missed and I got a nice raspberry on my leg as a reward. But as I poured the peroxide over my wound, as I had dozens of times in high school, I knew it was worth it. And the only thought that was in my mind was the hug that my daughter gave me in the middle of the game and she said, "I'm so glad we made it back for this."

She might channel Pacino at times. But that girl will always make me an offer I can't refuse. Try.

She deserves it.

Unintended Consequences....

Several years ago I started a novel. I do that a lot. Try to start writing a novel and then seemingly like a certain 6 year old I know with a sandwich, lose my taste for it and simple walk away. Often leaving the sandwich or in this case story on the ground. To rot.

This story however, dealt with a man who's life had little meaning, he was successful but alone and had made his money and success off products that harmed others. So he decided to take one final noble, in his mind at least, action. He found a woman widowed by his product and made her his life insurance beneficiary. He purchased dozens of small insurance policies with high payouts and proceed to attempt to place himself in situations where he would probably die. Cut rate sky diving. Amateur drag racing. Going to a biker bar and hitting on all the biker "mommas" etc and so forth. Over the course of this he and widow, who is in on the scheme eventually grow close and fall in love. The protagonist is forced to decide what would be the best way to show his love. Attempt to die as planned and provide for her monetary future or live. That's where I got stuck. I couldn't decide. So that will be another part of my "choose your own ending" anthology.

Currently the President, government, politicos of all sorts are in a similar situation with The Affordable Care Act. Ideally it was meant to take a step towards universal health care of some sort. While still trying to please the insurance companies, business owners and work within the existing insurance structure in some what. In short. It's a colossal mess. With some potentially serious unintended consequences. Like less full time jobs.

Behold The Part-Time Worker Society: "We Won't Start Hiring Full-Time People"

Ok. Yeah. It's a weird website. The story is written by someone claiming to be Tyler Durden. I get that. But it points out something that has been worrisome to me for months. Why?

Because if I owned a company with 50 more hourly employees. It's what I'd do.

Cut. Hours.

Because if I didn't, I might not be able to pay anyone anything any more.

Many small to medium sized companies can't absorb the extra cost added by insurance. It's not about them being evil. It's about survival. It's adding another bill each month. One that most businesses hadn't expected or planned for. So raise prices in a slow to ugly economy where many workers are having their hours cut or higher more workers.

It's said that 50% of restaurants fail in their first year. Even the ones who survive basically never make five years. With that slim a chance at continued success, any business owner would be foolish to add another cost when it can be easily avoided.

My grandfather worked one job, 9-5, with one company for his whole life. Those days are over. I will probably never be able to retire. I have for most of my adult life had more than one job and expect that to continue. 

That's the real crime. There's an out. Hire more workers, every one works less, no insurance. It was a loop hole that will make it harder for hourly workers to get enough hours. Eventually, health insurance will be like car insurance. On the individual. Perhaps run by the government. But we will all have it in some way. We just might all have three jobs too.

The individual may be healthier with "affordable care" but I'm not sure the individual can afford it.

Tuesday Tidbits.

So yesterday I mowed, pulled some weeds. Stared at some plants begging my mind to magically know if it was weed or plant. Then it rained. Today I did laundry, picked up some surprises for the kids and another ceiling fan that I hope to install this summer. (Two ceiling fans = hopefully less air conditioning this summer = lower bills. In theory.) And it rained again. So after spending quite a bit of time organizing for the garage sale. It's time to pass on tidbits from the internet.

It's a bit Big Brother but I'm sort of glad that a person this entitled and oblivious to not only bikers but possibly all humanity got caught because of her self important tweet. 

Woman Brags About Hitting Cyclist, Discovers Police Also Use Twitter

 Hopefully she gets her license and twitter suspended.

I enjoy video games. I don't play them as often as some. My Xbox 360 is more often used to watch Netflix and sports highlights. However, I found the #Xboxreveal presentation to be fascinating from a media, entertainment, games and even perception of technology level. I probably can't afford it when it debuts but the new Call of Duty: Ghosts looks great and the sports games are intriguing. Too bad MLB games just don't sell.

In FIFA 07 or something like that, I discovered The Cat Empire. I love their stuff and so does my son. Think I can sneak a 6 year old into an 18+ show if I give him a beard and call him Grumpy? 

Sue McLean & Associates present

The Cat Empire

Thursday, Jul 11, 2013 8:00 PM CDT 
The Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis, MN

This feels like a plot out of Law and Order, Bones or some other made for TV cop show. So glad I'm not the workers who discovered this. Just unfair. Should get to sue the murderer for pain and suffering.

Body found in trunk at Mpls. tow lot

This young boy will probably never duplicate a moment like this. I just hope he can remember it.

The best part is his momentary confusion at the cheers and the subsequent arms thrust into the air.
Still raining. But time to clean out the cupboards of items I haven't used since I moved in....

Minneapolis Rave Run Review Reaction

I've never really liked running. Even in high school, when on the track team for three years, I hated being a distance runner. I wasn't even long distance. 800 meters. It sucked. I would much rather have been a sprinter or a long jumper. That to me was track and field. Carl Lewis. Michael Johnson. Etc. Running was something I usually saved for when I was being chased. You'd be surprised how often that happened in high school. Maybe not.

But lately, it's become obvious that if I were to run for my life. It better be a sprint. I'm almost half again the man I used to be in high school and it's time to start getting more active and maybe, just maybe in a little better shape. It would suck to have zombies out run you. Walking Dead style zombies, not World War Z zombies, those look intense.

With this in mind, I have paid lip service in the past to trying a 5k. In a fit of spontaneity and probably a bit of madness, I decided to sign up for the Minneapolis Rave Run. On less than two weeks notice.

Several runner friends thought I was nuts. It takes 8 weeks to properly train for a real 5k they said. I had 2. And middling to fair motivation.  They were probably right. But luckily the Rave Run is more about fun than run.

As their Facebook page puts it:

RUNNERS, ARTISTS AND INSOMNIACS UNITE. 
WELCOME TO THE RAVE RUN. 

- NIGHT TIME FUN RUN OF STUNNING LIGHTS AND MUSIC
- EYE DAZZLING LIGHT EFFECTS DESIGNED BY EDC ARTISTS AND INDUSTRY EXPERTS
- WICKED AFTER-PARTY
- TRANSFORMING VALLEY FAIR INTO A NOCTURNAL WONDERLAND ON MAY 10, 2013

The Rave Run was founded in 2012 by a runner, an artist and an insomniac. The idea was to bring the adrenaline pumping music and special effects from electronic festivals onto a 2.5-3.5 mile course. The dazzling light effects are designed by EDC artists and industry experts. It’s like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory except with lights. It’s candy for your eyes and ears. It’s a glow run…gone wild! Get ready for the night of your life. Experience a magical world of light and sound unlike anything else out there.

I don't know that I would go as far as calling it Willy Wonka's expect with lights. But it seemed like a fun unique concept. Lots of people, energizing music, insomnia. Plus it's dark, so if I'm sucking wind after 800 meters, it would be harder for people to see.

As I said I've never run a 5k. Haven't run regularly in almost 15 years. But lights, music, glow stuff. I'm in. I registered. Shirt. Some glow stuff. Some nebulous portion of the money seemingly goes to a Minnesota Adoption support foundation. It all seems good. I even paid the extra $6 for the "glow pack". I started to get excited and apprehensive.

I put together a run training plan, cobbled together from the internet and asking actual friends who have run more recently than 15 years ago. It was rough. Novice that I was, I did everything wrong. Ate before a run. Ick. Just hit start on a treadmill program and ran 3 miles through the Rocky Mountains, not cursing John Denver at all, those things are spectacular. I was beat. Now I was very worried. I'm probably going to slow down my compatriots and probably collapse in a heap and be that guy who gets CPR.

Luckily, as I did more research into other Rave Runs held across the country, I picked up on the fun vs run focus. People in the pictures looked like they were having a great time. Not in the marathon, I'm so happy I'm not dead and why would the Greeks really make a guy run that long a distance just to send a message - don't they have pigeons, sort of way. But an actual I'm enjoying myself, this is fun, you probably won't get CPR from a burly carnie sort of way.

I also noticed some of the complaints, crowded, lack of parking, couldn't run like I wanted to, where's my tshirt etc. Both of these informed my anticipation and planning for the run.

The company organizing the run sent out a Race Guide and several emails leading up to the event. They strongly encouraged getting there early, picking up your packet ahead of time and having fun. Clearly, not everyone read those emails*.

*Ironically, I think that if the government has really important information to hide, they should send out weekly emails and then hide it on paragraph 37. No one ever reads an entire email anymore. Oh wait, that's kind of like what congress does with bills...

I arrived at Valleyfair at 7 PM. A full two hours before the start of the run. Parking was already getting slim and with one entrance off of one road to Valleyfair, it was becoming a traffic disaster.

I caught up my running partner and we made our way to the chaotic check in area. There was one line for regular registrants, one for groupon, living social etc, another line for free glow stuff, yet another line we almost never found for the extra glow packet. The lines moved relatively quickly and the check in lady liked my last name so much she said she wanted it for hers. It was basically a marriage proposal. (Happy day is in August, running down the aisle!)* And we were set up with bibs, glow stuff with plenty of time before the race. Now we waited.

*Totally totally false. We'll jog. 

While waiting, it became clear that the parking situation was out of control. Cars were backed up on the highway outside Valleyfair and reports had them backed up all the way to 494. Time was ticking and the sun was just about down. Soon the race was supposed to start.

Other members of the group I had attached myself to were stuck in traffic and it didn't seem like they'd make it inside in time. Luckily, they made it in, navigated the many lines faster than we did and miraculous found us waiting by a tree. Glow stuff was all double checked and we made our way to the giant crowd at the starting line. Communication by the organizers was limited. At other events I've sold merchandise at or simply attended, there was often an MC. Often annoying but at least giving some information and direction. The closest thing Rave Run had was a DJ. Who's skills must lie in spinning because communication and crowd control were not his forte.

The massive crowd moved like a herd toward the start line. It resembled Dan Patch avenue on the busiest day of the fair but with glow glasses and sticks. They tried sending groups of runners but eventually that seemed to fall apart as more people would just start. Walking. Not running.

There simply wasn't any room to run. It started out as a slightly brisk walk. As the group started to spread out a little there slowly became room to jog. However, this simply encouraged some over motivated jackholes to try and sprint, running in and around people like a kid late for home room. Yes, it was sold as a 5K. But adapt jerk. Enjoy the music, jog a bit and try not to run over the kids, strollers or other people just having fun. You can always put on your reflective vest and run maniacally through your neighborhood later.

The course wrapped through Valleyfair, a serpentine like track that made it very hard to keep any pace due to the myriad bottlenecks and virtual u-turns. But it was fun. People seemed to be having a good time. It wasn't too crazy a pace, one fellow runner even tried to facetime during the run. There was one water stop, which seemingly was placed way too close to the finish. I jogged, ran, walked, avoided, slowed down sped up and soon I was near the end. I kicked it up a bit as we got to finish line, and ended feeling loose and good.

After the race there was a rave like event. Stage, music, dancing, go go girls. But after the people watching wore off, I realized I was entirely to old and sober to get out there. Plus one guy had totally already stolen all of my moves.

 

I probably should have stayed and learned new ones as the parking and traffic morass of before the race returned and it took me over an hour to get out of the parking lot itself. Long enough to hear the Twins finish blowing a 6 run lead....

All in all, I had a really fun time with the Rave Run. It had some serious flaws. Parking was rough. Traffic was a mess. It wasn't horribly well organized. There were too many people for the course and the course like Valleyfair itself, has seen much better days. However, all of those issues ironically fit in the with the theme of the race. Raves aren't know for their parking, organization or personal space.