Two events in the past 48 hours have caused me to consider if that maybe my history of sarcasm, self deprecation and pessimism has gone too far. Perhaps, all the snide remarks, the "if only" and "worst case scenario" statements that I have made for nearly 20 years have created such a negative environment around me that it's become it's own momentum.
Over the top? Hogwash? Maybe. Probably. Yet consider these two events.
A. On Monday I was confident that my fantasy football team was going to prevail in this weeks completely unimportant and meaningless statistical match up. I had a 35 point lead with my opponent left with a singular player on Monday night. I went so far as to say, and this is a direct quote,
"As long as Cam Newton doesn't score 37 points I should be fine."
I was confident but portrayed that in sarcasm and worst case scenario thinking. What happened? Cam Newton scored EXACTLY 37 points on Monday night. Surprising? Yes. Impossible? No. Newton seemingly did that all year in 2011. He's clearly capable. It was simply timing. Not bad timing. Because fantasy football really shouldn't factor into good v bad in life.
My response to this was typical, "Just my luck" It's such a habit.
B. Last night a friend brought to my attention, just how much I slam on myself. While it may have come off a bit harsh, she was completely right. I can't even count how many times in a day I make a self deprecating comment, joke or personal slight. It's nonstop. Name the category, I've got a line. Height, weight, divorce, diet, dating, age, nerd, goofy, theater, horrible person, the worst...etc. I do it too often. I need to make an effort not to do it.
The second part of what my friend said was harder to hear. But no less true. People who constantly verbally beat on themselves tend to do so because they truly believe it and/or they're begging for someone to contradict them. "You're not short", "You're not old", "You'll meet someone" etc. It's nice to hear those things. But it's exhausting to have to constantly say them to the same person over and over. I need to hear those things in my own head. Not from someone else.
So does this mean that I am my own worst enemy? That my negativity brings negativity into my life. Or that I can always find the worst case, the least positive outcome, the dark shadow in every rainbow? The esteemed website Wikipedia claims the following about "Self Fulfilling Prophecy"
"A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behaviour......In other words, a positive or negative prophecy, strongly held belief, or delusion - declared as truth when it is actually false - may sufficiently influence people so that their reactions ultimately fulfill the once-false prophecy."
So yeah, it would seem that given that definition, and the anecdotal evidence previously presented that I can be my own worst enemy - when I focus on the negative.
I have so many positives in my life. I have a home, a job, a car, a kick ass Lego collection, friends, family, future, memories, adventures (past, present and future) and so many more. I've done, lived and experienced some wonderful, captivating and amazing things. Perhaps if I keep my mind focused on the positive, I can be my own best ally.
In short, I'm going to try to be less of a pessimistic piss-ant.
P.S. My apologies if your web search for the Christian Slater TV series My Own Worst Enemy led to you to this page. I'm not just being negative when I say, it sucked. If you want Slater, go watch Heathers or Kuffs - they're vastly superior. Of that I'm positive.
P.P.S. Also my apologies if a search for Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy" brought you to this blog. And now it's in everyone's head. You're welcome.
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