Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Picking up the old addiction...

In college I was a theater major. Yes I loved movies, TV, some theater and I had delusions of stardom and becoming a creator of amazing works. But it also came easy, it was fun. It didn't feel like "homework". Plus occassionally, I got to kiss a pretty girl. Not a bad gig. 

Between 16 and 26 I was part of 55 different productions. Musicials, drama, comedy, vaudevillian bible stories even a movie or two. I always felt better when I had a creative outlet. 

Life happened. And priorities changed. From spring of 2007 to Monday May 11. I didn't go to a single audition. I hadn't even been tempted more than a few times. The stress, reality and responsibilities of life seemed to make that old connection seem dim and distant. 

Then my daughter decided to try out acting. She went to some camps. Was in a club at school. And she's been auditioning for some shows this year and hadnt yet made it in one. She really had her heart set on being in a show this summer. 

So I told her we would find one to do. And I would audition with her in hopes we could both get a chorus role. May 11th we attended an audition. Because we wanted to audition together we went at the prescribed "family" audition time slot. 

Imagine if you will, a scene from Modern Family or SNL. A stage, filled with 6 little girls under 10 and one out of shape 34 year old dad, being led through  energetic choreography by a young man in excellent shape who probably dances every day of the week...

Needless to say, those little girls kicked my butt. 

We ran it over and over and by the end I was gasping for air and doubled over in laughter. My daughter was too. She did a fine job dancing. I mostly did a lot of flailing. 

We completed the dance audition and went to sing our audition songs and improv a scene. Again. 6 little girls and one old guy. One of these things was not like the others. But we had fun and I was so proud of both my daughter and just letting her see that part of me. 

Letting that part of me out might have been opening the Pandora's Box of my psyche. Confidence I hadn't felt in a long time came rushing back. Parts of my brain slowly began to awake from 8 years of slumber. Blocking. Playing off a partner in a scene. Giving and taking the energy that is created with imagination. It felt so good. 

That sweet succulent taste of addiction. 

Then I got the email about callbacks. 

It was a surprise but it wasn't. Community theater is always looking for more men. Especially ones who can maybe hold a tune or look like a human in the background of a scene. 

It was a reminder. It's been a long time. My last role was Seymore in Little Shop. The young, leading man protagonist. 

This time I was called back to read for "Grandpa" 


Yep. 

Ego not as boosted as it was but not as deflated as I expected. I went to the callback. We sang and read sides from the script. I played with accents and gestures and facial expressions. 3 hours flew by. Surrounded by people all trying new things, nervous in some ways, reading and trying to gauge the "competition" It was one of the best nights I've had in a long while. 

I left engaged. Fulfilled. Energized. I hadn't just opened the box. I tore it in two. No going back now. 

For 8 years I hid a part of myself. A part of myself that I really enjoy. It was necessary in some ways. Self punishment in others. It happened. It was. 

After the call back, I then had to wait. Wait on a call or a cast list or an email. Wait. Wait. Wait. 

I've been waiting a lot lately. Trying to take things as they come. React. Not force the issue. Not chase. It's not my normal motif. 

Tuesday night I got the call. I was cast. My daughter was in the chorus. Her joy was enthralling. She jumped up into my arms and I spun her around as she giggled. So happy to be in a "real show". 

If I could bottle that joy, I could change the world. 

So the box is gone. This part of me is coming back. My daughter has the bug now too. 

So come see us both in July. 

PS. I didn't get cast as Grandpa. I got the villain. A goofy, angry, unhinged Baron. Part El Guapo, part Don Carnage, part Boris and Natasha. I can't wait. 



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