Awkward Fundraising

I don't go to a lot of fundraisers. It's really not my world. I don't have the disposable income or the shoes to be out at auctions and luncheons etc. But once a year, I attend a fundraiser for the kids school parent teacher organization.

The event has been held in several different places over the past few years and I always enjoy checking out new venues. This year's event was held in the upstairs room of Sweeneys in St Paul. I didn't even know there was an upstairs.

Two separate bar areas and a dance floor. The silent auction items, always difficult to organize were set up along the wall, directly across from the buffet line that wrapped around the stair case. It was a neat layout that the stair case enters into the center of the space. So immediately you are immersed in the room.

There was a string quartet playing covers of popular songs like Gaga's Poker Face and Coldplay. Something I have had an affinity for since I first experienced Metallica and the San Franciso Symphony and Apocalyptica. The food was better than standard buffet fare, the meatballs were especially delicious. I still regret not going back for more.

Too many people in a small space, no presentation from the interns as they have had in the past, it was very functional. I purchased two activities for the kids, art for P, Tae Kwon Do and ice cream for K. (Kids doing martial arts while on a sugar high could probably have it's own youtube channel.) All in all it was fun night. Even if my father did spend too much in the silent auction on the art pieces each of my kid's classes created. But it was for, you know, kids.

One more thing I must point out as I try to do a better job of celebrating, acknowledging the good in my days. I am lucky that I have reached a point in my life where myself, my parents and my ex-wife can all carpool to an event, laugh, bait me into dancing with my son's kindergarten teacher, guard silent auctions bids like secret service agents, and in general eat, drink and be merry. Not a lot of divorcees have that type of relationship. So I've got that going for me.

Five for Friday

As I try to do a better job of writing, I'm going to try and start a weekly list of five things. Statements. Recommendations. Thoughts. Fears. Nonsense.

 1. Mikael Granland is pretty outstanding. I'm totally fan crushing.

2. I've listened to way more Paramore than most 33 year old males in the past three days.

3. The stress my 9 year old daughter feels about MCA tests that have no impact on her future makes me sick, someone even dropped the "permanent record" BS  on her.

4. I have serious doubts that I will find the right partner. Maybe that's OK.

5. Looking at all the old pictures for #tbt makes me realize how much I've let creative outlets escape from my life. I need to try that again. Not just write. Photoshop. Theater. Even Legos

Whimpy Wedesdays

I struggle with depression. Have for a long time. Sometimes it wins. Winter is especially rough. This year it was the late spring/fake summer/contestant cold that really drove me down. The past four weeks haveben ugly. Hermit tendencies. Lack of motivation to do the little things, like eat, clean, shower. But I fought through. But I did a lot of thinking. And not just the dark and dreary type that usually comes with the depression.

I've always been pretty good at the big moments. The crisis. The romantic gesture. The  grand play. The lead role. All the stuff I learned from media. I know Ferris's day off. Never learned how to do all the days on.

Not every day can be epic. Not every moment can give you goose bumps. Not every kiss can stop time.  And I have a hard time accepting that.

I love movies. But movies don't show the regular stuff. Laundry, cleaning, punching the clock. I watched PCU the night before I moved to college.I saw Office Space Three times the weekend it came out when I was 18. My perceptions, biases set me up for a fall.

I wanted to be Ferris, Parker Lewis, Dobey Gillis. i wanted to rebel against the man. Take that printer out into a field and go off. I, a suburban white kid, really wanted to rebel against something.

But I am off track. Whimpy wednesdays. The regular stuff. Life is made up of the regular stuff. Not every day can be epic. I can't always fight the man, call in fake sick, borrow the hot car, kiss the pretty girl. Some days you have to do the laundry. Clean. Go to bed early. be lame.

The biggest challenge for me is to accept that. Find the joy in whimpy Wednesdays.

South Park misses deadline.

I have never been a huge fan of South Park. I find some of their stuff funny. I think they are masters at pushing the satire envelope. There movie was simply amazing. However, I've never made South Park regular viewing. I had no idea the time table that they put themselves under.

17 Seasons in, South Park Misses Its First Deadline

6 days to write and complete an animated show seems ridiculously insane. They may be the masters of potty humor and tend to take that satire envelope and just throw it right in the fire now and then. But it's damn impressive to have such a short turn around.

Also, knowing the marketing savvy of these guys, I wouldn't put it out of bounds to think this might have been calculated. How big will the ratings be next week?

And for fun. Blame Canada at the Academy Awards. 

WOTE Covers Doobie!

Walk off the Earth has easily become one of my favorite YouTube finds. Love their videos. Their covers and their original stuff as well. But they just covered my favorite Doobie Brothers songs. Love. it. Find it on Youtube. Here are some of my other favorites.

Royals. 

Somebody that I used to know

Original Red Hands

Even Material Girl

Such fun. Hope I can see them live one day.

Politics are a joke. But at times they work.

So everyone has heard of the government shutdown that just ended. It was a red herring, the people hurt were mostly simply inconvenienced and the government workers will receive all the pay they lost. It's a drama without real drama. Much like high school. The legislative branch has kicked the financial can down the road and all is well.

In doing so, a member of congress actually managed to use his position for it's intended purposed - to help his district, state, constituents. It's such a rare idea that the media is freaking out about it. Trying to paint his actions as corrupt or backhanded. However, his constituents, his state has repeatedly elected him in hopes that he can achieve a role of power to help his state. He now has. He actually follows through on being an agent of the people and rewarding them for years of re-elections, by getting more funding for a public works project in the state. And he's viewed as a crook.

McConnell-Reid Deal Includes $2 Billion Earmark for Kentucky Project

It's been called a kickback. No. It's doing his job. If he got $2 billion in his pocket it's a kickback. If he helps his state, his constituents, its part of the job. They elected him. They gave him seniority. They allowed him to achieve the power to help his state. In the modern era, actually doing your job is seen as criminal. We're so far off the rails, we can't even see the tracks.  

Silence is.....

I've never been good with silence. When I perform menial tasks around the house, at work, I always have the radio or television on. Often I will have Netflix or Hulu playing in one window while I play a game or work in another window. Silence for me is something to be filled.

As a kid, I remember sitting in the car on the way back from a birthday party. A party I had only wanted to be invited too because the birthday boy had the GI Joe aircraft carrier and I had to see it. Had to play with it. Needed to know that it was real. I didn't really like the birthday boy and wasn't that close to him but the birthday was fun. Pizza. Presents. Aircraft carrier. All good stuff. Really enjoyed myself more than I thought I would. We watched ET. It was good.

But on the car ride home, in a car with a parent I barely knew and this kid I only kind of did, there was silence. So I filled it. I told them my life story, from birth in Seward to my move to Minnesota. I told the story of how my parents met, I gave specific directions in a calm and confident tone to my home included when would be the best times to merge and the significant cultural landmarks on the way (We got our couch over there, that billboard never changes, the exit tells you that we are 135 miles from the Iowa border) I couldn't let there be silence. It freaked me out.

In radio, dead air is the ultimate sin. Anything over two seconds starts to feel like an eternity. If the listener hears nothing, they will change the channel - virtual death for a radio station. So again, I learned to fill the space. Always be ready with something, don't let the energy drop, if you're the color guy at a basketball game and the play by play guy is looking for something in his notes - you damn well better be ready with some observation, analysis or anything - just not dead air. I learned to fear dead air, the idea that if it happened the loudest sound would be the audience changing the station.

I don't meditate. I don't spend much time in prayer. I don't work on centering myself and my chi. However, I have recently begun to try and respect the silence. Not exactly enjoy it. But respect it. I fill my head with so much. I like to be over stimulated. Computer on, phone in hand, books set to the side, three different browsers open with tabs on each plus conquering the known world in Civilization. Sometimes I'll put on a VHS or radio and let it fill the back ground. Lots of input to sort through. Keeps my constantly misfiring brain working. It works for me.

Lately however, I have tried to build silence into my day. Each day from 1 to 2 in the store, I try and turn off the radio. Part of it is that after four hours of radio information, I have heard just about all that will be said for the day. But part of it is to stop all the white noise and just let my mind work. It's amazing how that hour often goes extremely fast when I can find positive or interesting things to think about. Conversely, time stands still when melancoly or negative thoughts invade my thinking. Went I get trapped in a negative place, time doesn't even exist.

When I am honest with myself, and I very rarely am, I know that my fear of time stopping is often what drives me to fill up my life with white noise. I am so afraid of those mental quicksand moments that I would rather deal with so much over stimulation than face them. It's why I hate to sleep. In the day, I can guide my psyche, my mind. I can distract it. I can overload it. I can keep it from wandering into the forests that I would rather take the long road around. When I sleep, the mind is free. The subconscious frolics in the places I don't want to go. The fears. The dreads. The losses. The loneliness. I am at my mind's whim when I sleep. I hate it that loss of control.

I tell myself that trying to incorporate silence into my daily routine will help me when I have to face the silence of sleep and the ghosts, shadows, memories, hopes and dreams it brings. It seems a bit pathetic to try and train myself to face it during the day so I can endure it during the night. But sometimes I have those good hours. Those hours that time flies by. The hours when letting my mind loose is positive. The good hours of silence.

The more good hours I find in the day - I hope the more good hours I'll find at night.