Quarantine Spoiler Movie Review: Money Train (1995) or White Man Can't Rob Trains Either

In this time of quarantine and boredom, I am diving into some dark corners of the streaming universe. Tonight as I scrolled through the 1995 Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson and Jennifer Lopez classic, Money Train. A couple years after the cultural impact and success of White Men Can't Jump, Hollywood looked to cash in on the Wesley/Woody chemistry that led to such incredible box office success. There is a line about lighting striking twice. Short story, it rarely does. This review is going to ruin the movie, so you don't fall in to the trap I did. Remembering that I saw it or at least wanted to see it as a kid and wasting any precious quarantine time on this forgettable gem from the mid 90s.

Somehow, a movie that takes place on basically subway trains, cost nearly $68 million to produce. White Men Can't Jump cost less than 31 million. It grossed more than 90 million dollars at the box office. It shouldn't be shocking that Hollywood dreamed of a blockbuster return from this crime caper.

Woody and Wesley play cop versions of their White Men characters. Basically adding bad action, trains and some classic 90s action move dialogue. In one of her first movie roles, Jennifer Lopez inhabits the Rosie Perez character. But add the fact that she is the token, hard edge by the book cop. Robert Blake plays one of the more over the top racist action movie characters of the 90s. He also has the pleasure of delivering some absolutely terrible dialogue.

Woody and Wesley retain some of the chemistry from White Men and they have some fun scenes of quick and clever dialogue. But the real sparks fly between Snipes and Lopez. In a very silly movie, their connection is one of the few plausible events. They dance and then they box. It becomes a seemingly believable connection. 

Woody plays the screw up well. First he gambles himself into debt, then when his brother gives him is life savings, he loses it trying to stop a mugging. There is some odd visual juxtaposition of Woody's character getting beaten up while Snipes and Lopez make love. It's as one of my college theater professors would say a sledgehammer moment. Driving a wedge between these two brothers and partners. This drives them apart. Woody into despair and out into the literal cold. 

One bright spot of this movie is Chris Cooper in a small but actually pretty interesting arsonist, psychopath called the Torch. Cooper is an all time character actor and was still a year away from his critical breakthrough in Lone Star and several years away from his huge performance in American Beauty. His unsettling turn as Torch gives the movie some needed tension every time he shows up. A movie that focused less on the stars banter and more them determining this psychopath's motive and modus operandi would have been a much more interesting script. 

The take down of the Torch leads to the classic action movie trope of the hero cops losing their badges. You couldn't make an action movie after 1985 without a mismatched hero duo, a boss who screamed and someone losing their badge.

Oh and a bad guy threatening the innocent to put our hero or heroes in an seemingly impossible situation. For Woody, that means his gambling debt must be paid by New Year's Day or they will kill Wesley. 

Threatened with the death of his brother, Cain decides to rob the money train to save the life of Able. I'm not bothering to use actual character names because it doesn't feel like either actor or the script spent much time crafting a character. But there are more than a few echos of the age old tale of sibling rivalry.

In terms of action fun, Wesley running through the restaurant beating the living hell out of the bad guys is cathartic fun. It is legitimately the only segment of the movie not involving Lopez that Snipes looks like he is having a good time. For a moment we get to see the Wesley from Passenger 57 and Demolition Man and a glimpse of the future in Blade. 

The movie picks up when the heist is finally set into motion. Woody/Cain's plan is flawed. It doesn't go as planned. Wesley swarms in to rescue his brother, and joins the ill fated heist. As an audience member, beside the fact that Robert Blake's character is abhorrent, why should we be rooting for our heroes in this caper? It is poorly step up. Until. Robert Blake goes full evil. 

He puts a passenger train in front of the runaway Money Train. Literally echoing the trolley car dilemma. Or in a shockingly unexpected metaphor to the current government crisis, what is the acceptable death toil to keep the money system rolling as expected. 

I did not expect to stumble upon a metaphor or our current situation but art is a crafty rogue sometimes. 

Wesley and Woody ignore the probable laws of physics to create a rudementary lever of sorts, which stops the runway Money Train, and launches them safely onto the previously doomed passenger train. They emerge, action movie barely scratched just in time to punch Robert Blake and watch as Jennifer Lopez arrests him for endangering the passenger train. She is cheered on by one of my favorite unknown actors, Bill Nunn, as the endangered train conductor. Nunn appeared has 71 credits on IMDB.com and I bet you'd recognize him and not be sure where from. For me, I saw him roughly twice a week during childhood as the detective trying to protect Whoopi in Sister Act. 

Money Train isn't the worst action movie of the 90s and I have seen most of them. It slogs through too much attempt at witty dialogue and wastes Lopez in a stereotypical role. But the once the heist gets rolling. In terms of train movies, it lags behind both versions of the Taking of Pelham One Two Three, Unstoppable and has nothing more than a train in common with Snowpiercer but it is not the worst thing I have seen during quarantine. 

The trolley problem that I mentioned earlier connects with our current social situation. Mashable did some work to breakdown the connections in their article here. It is not a perfect comparison and certainly Money Train took the concept and used it to define the hero and the villains of the story. But I'm sure reality won't have as neat an ending. And I really hope it doesn't take until New Years Eve either. 

The trolley problem solution also pops up in a famous quote from Star Trek, both in the original movies and the JJ Abrams re-imaginings. Hopefully the nerds can lead us through our current crisis as well.

Hellboy (2019) Movie Review

On Thursday, I had the opportunity to attend the opening night of Hellboy (2019). I was a bit surprised there were showings as early as 7:30. It was a spur of the moment decision. I have joined the new AMC A-List program so for roughly $22 a month, I can go to three movies a week. So I went for it. What follows below is my review, I avoid most plot points but as it is a review...

SPOILER ALERT

I loved the earlier two films, Hellboy (2004) and Hellboy II The Golden Army (2008). Guillermo De Toro, Ron Perlman, Doug Jones, Selma Blair did an enjoyable and engaging job. It was classic superhero fare with action and comedy and evil villains. I saw both in the theater and owned them on DVD. Which is a thing we did back then. 

They were my first introduction to the characters and prompted me to eventually dip my toe into the graphic novel collections of Mike Mignola. For years there were rumors that Del Toro had a third film in mind. Perlman was on board and so seemingly was the studio. The movie however never seemed to materialize. Though in my personal opinion I hazard to guess that Del Toro's original ideas and creative impulses for Hellboy 3 morphed over time to the The Shape of Water. Which felt like an Abe Sapien spin off Elseworlds love story to me. But I digress. 

The two Perlman/Del Toro movies fared relatively well but one criticism that I heard from fans at the time was that they went too far making it a superhero movie and watered down some of the more horror like elements of the story. I mean we are dealing with Nazis, Devils and Demons here, so there is going to be some gory elements. 

One thing that the 2019 version of Hellboy made sure to do was up the gore level for sure. Having seen both Hellboy and Shazam (review coming soon) on back to back days, you can certainly see the difference from PG-13 and R. As someone who still suffers from night terrors from movies I saw 30 years ago, had I realized the R rating, I might have skipped it. Most of the violence done by the "bad guys" was quite martial, limbs, heads, bodies ripped apart. Hellboy took some pretty graphic damage at times as well. Most of it was story related but there was one long segment near the climax that felt like it was a bit torture porn. The CGI folks definitely had some fun with the graphic nature of some moments. 

Outside of the gore the two biggest differences between the 2019 version and the 2004 or 2008 versions of Hellboy related to the relationship between the titular character and his adopted father, Professor Broom. In the Del Toro versions, the character of Broom was supporting but not really truly a driver of the narrative. John Hurt, a Hollywood icon played Broom in the earlier incarnations and was his as always viable and engaging self. Broom was important for sure, but the story was more about Hellboy and his journey and finding himself, his place in the world. Perlman plays Hellboy as more stable and adult. He seems less a wild card and more a rogue. He might break the rules but he does so knowingly. Hellboy in this case may be troubled, he may break rules but he also seems more in control. 

In the 2019 version, directed by Neil Marshall takes a different tone with the Hellboy/Broom relationship. As a viewer I should admit that I saw each of these versions of the Broom character at very different times in my life. First as soon to be minted father, then as a young, confused and failing father. In 2019, I saw Broom as the father of one teenager and one soon to be teenager. So those perceptions definitely color my review as well. 

Ian Mcshane plays Broom in this newest version of Hellboy. And as ever brings a level of depth to a character that viewers were probably not expecting. The relationship between McShane's Broom and David Harbour's Hellboy is full of strife and conflict throughout the entire film. Where as Hurt and Perlman seemed to be occasionally annoyed. There is palatable distrust of Broom by Hellboy in this new version. 

As the 2019 version of the film worked to create more gore in the action scenes, the script also seemed designed to show Hellboy's humanity. His doubts and ultimately set up the climax with more doubt than you expect from a super hero ending. Harbour does an exceptional job of showing Hellboy's emotional side, with more angst than arrogance. Perhaps it was all that time working with teenagers on Stranger Things but Harbour feels more Spiderman than Tony Stark. From Harbour's first appearance in the movie in an epic action scene in Tijuana to his first meeting and big brother/uncle relationship with Sasha Lane's Alice (who is thoroughly enjoyable as support and a lovely surprise as a character), there is humanity and a bit of chaos and a fumbling nature. Hellboy's interaction and reaction to the first death he causes sets the tone for the entire movie. This may be a being born of a demon but there is something human there as well. 

McShane and Harbour's relationship drives the movie. But Jovonich's evil blood queen plays an excellent foil. As a lover of The Fifth Element it was unnerving to see the supreme being as a villain. However, instead of chewing the dialogue and going full evil witch, there is a gentleness and purity of belief in her actions and attitude. If you are a person who could understand Thanos' rantionale or could argue that the Rebels in Star Wars were simply terrorists, then you might also fall under her spell. She sets herself up as a counter point to McShane's Broom. And that is the crux of the internal battle for Harbour's Hellboy. And in the end it is the backbone of the movie and in my opinion, that, not the gore is what truly shines. 

Daniel Dae Kim does an nice job of adding a bit more flavor to the conflict, even if his eventual "big decision" feels like overkill. By that point, the audience knows what side he is on and there is little tension in his actions, even though it is played as a big moment. The voice work of Stephen Graham was excellent and had me dying to figure out where I knew his voice from. I'll let it be a surprise for you as well. But after looking at his history, I had to slap myself for never putting two and two together when I saw him in two other very famous movies. I would love a career like his, part of so many fun moments and movies but you wouldn't recognize him in line at the bathroom. There is even an appearance from Thomas Haden Church, which took me way too long to recognize. It ranks up there with the geeky joy of realizing who was the voice of Noir Spiderman in Into the Spiderverse. Again, I'll save the surprise if you haven't seen it. 

Hellboy 2019 to me was an enjoyable film. Though I do worry that by going for an R rating and adding in the gore they may have shot themselves in the foot. Harbour and Hellboy don't have the built-in fandom of Reynolds and Deadpool and I think that will hurt them in the box office. In the end that will be the true judge, how much money the film makes. However, in my eyes, the ability to create doubt, to give Harbour and McShane and Jonovich the space to create a possible moral and ethical quandary is the real success of the film. 

I don't do stars but would watch again. Probably buy the DVD and try to talk about the interpersonal dynamics with my children in the fall. 

Movie Review MINOR SPOILERS: Mission Impossible Rogue Nation

After a misstep in the middle of the series by going to hardcore and trying to make Ethan Hunt more like Jack Bauer; dark and gritty, the Mission Impossible series found it's feet again with the fourth installment. It was fun, over the top stunts and action. They found the right tone and pacing. The fun continues in Rogue Nation. 

I was able to see it in IMAX and I highly recommend and prefer that format over 3D. The clarity, crispness over all field of vision dominance are vastly superior to look how cool this effect of a thing in your face is?!" 3D style. The visuals in Rogue Nation were outstanding, especially during the motorcycle chase scene. 

With so many movies, you wonder if you saw the best stunts, effects or jokes in the trailer. Tom Cruise's Ethan Hunt hanging of the side of the plane has been in all the trailers and promotional material. I was surprised of the timing of it in the film. The whole film had me engaged and not sure where it was going next. 

Cruise is Cruise and I still believe that Hunt is his most comfortable role. Simon Pegg is perfect as the nerdy foil and the movie gives the two a lot more to do in terms of creating and dealing with their interpersonal dynamic. 

Likewise setting up Jeremy Renner as the behind the scenes administrator and giving him a foil in Alec Baldwin justifies his part much better than as the presumed heir apparent to Hunt as he was last time. Ving Rhames fills out the team another technology link but isn't given that much to do. 

The main villain is ok. And the film makes the governments/structures of modern spy work more the villain than one man. But as someone who had an early crush on GI Joe's female antagonist, The Baroness, it's no surprise that Rebecca Ferguson's Ilsa Faust would be my favorite. 

Faust and Hunt's give and take, mystery and intrigue give the movie it's soul as much as Pegg and Cruise give it a heart. Ferguson pulls of so much with her eyes alone. Especially in the scene with her MI6 handler. I am smitten. 

Overall I found the twists and turns intriguing. The filmography and sound excellent. And the pacing and tone spot on. 

There should never be any doubt that Hunt and his compatriots will succeed for they always do. What I enjoyed most about Rogue Nation was I often couldn't figure out how they would. And when they did I enjoyed every single second of it. 

If you enjoyed the other Mission Imposisble movies and have a night to suspend disbelief and marvel at stunts, explosions, car chases and some interesting interpersonal dynamics, I highly recommend Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. 

Movie Review: Mad Max Fury Road

As a child, I only saw Mad Max on late night television. Usually Beyond Thunderdome. Two men enter. One man leaves. That was it. 

So I was without much of an opinion about another installment. Rebooting movie franchises is all the rage. Not even a new trend. Gary Coleman's baseball epic Disney TV movie was a remake of a 1950s movie starring Anne Bancroft. So it's a tried and true Hollywood tradition. 

Of course Mel Gibson is hardly Anne Bancroft and Tom Hardy is certainly no Gary Coleman. 

When I first heard of Mad Max Fury Road, I assumed that it would be a Redbox or a Netflix watch for me. I'm glad I didn't make that mistake. 

Some movies need the theater screen. The pounding sound. The surrounding crowd of teenagers in dates, parents on a night out and that one kid who was inexplicably brought to an R rated film at 10 on a Friday night. Most of that you can't truly recreate in a living room. Some movies demand the overall sensory experience. 

As the credits rolled on Mad Max Fury Road, my body was shaking and I realized that I wasn't sure how long I Id been holding my breath. It's sensory overload. It's epic. It's grand. And so much of it isn't CGI. It was amazing stunts and ridiculous staging and so much action. 

It's an action movie. It isn't about social commentary. Those in the Internet who are trying to make it something about feminism or more are missing the point. It's meant to shock your senses. If there is a social meaning you add to that. So be it. 

Just as the characters are trying to survive a barren harsh sensory explosion of a reality, the harsh daily, or in this case nearly constant presence of death. max and Furiousa et al are just trying to make it through a seemingly impossible life. The sensory, emotional and artistic overload that the audience experiences is but a tiny slice of that post apocalyptical pie. 

Go see Mad Max Fury Road to be overloaded, to challenge your sense. If you find a larger theme, great. But don't go for the politics or the "internet rage". Go because it is the most pure version of an action/chase movie in years. Love it for what it is.

See it in the theater. Maybe don't sit the in front row - unless you really want to see how long you can hold your breath. 

Movie Review: Drive Angry (2011) Spoilers

One of the great benefits of insomnia, is that fact that it gives me literally plenty of time to find every points club, coupon site, text club to join etc. Some night, probably at about 3 AM, I joined some Redbox thing that allows me to get random texts with free promo codes. I wish I remember how I did it, because it's one of the few useful clubs I'm in.

Today, I received such a text and decided that it was the perfect opportunity to rent a movie that I just wasn't sure of - Nicolas Cage's Drive Angry. Personally I love the popcorn movie thing that Cage can do. Is it over the top? Yes. Is some of the dialog awful? Putrid. Does stuff go boom? Most certainly. But for what it is, pure popcorn movie suspension of disbelief shoot 'em up fun. Will Drive Angry win any awards? Never. But it is damn fun.

The best thing that the movie does, it know what it is. It's not a plot deep, character driven indie drama. It's an action flick. Flick as in doesn't even claim film or movie as a description. When I saw a previous Cage vehicle, Bangkok Dangerous, I expected an action flick. What I got was a boring, slow, painfully drawn out wanna-be indie critic's darling. Thank you Mr. Cage for giving up that ghost and finding a much more entertaining one.

Cage plays, John Milton (clever wink, think Paradise Lost), a father out for revenge. He's breaks out of hell and drives some spectacularly gorgeous muscle cars while trying to outrun Death (capital D) and save his grand-daughter from a creepy cult leader. Yes it sounds a lot like Ghost Rider with cool cars. That's pretty much it. It's simple, it's clear, it's a linear line that drives through anything it can find. And it works. The script literally spends more time detailing the cars Cage drives than any mythology or dogma. Grandpa escapes Hell to help Granddaughter. Which I honestly have to problem believing.

Along the way he picks up the heroine of the flick, Piper, played capably by Amber Heard. Heard does what Megan Fox was supposed to do in the Transformer movies. Make edgy, tough and beautiful both believable and legendary. She is not given much to work with, 65% (made up %) of her dialog probably comes from her first 10 minutes on screen. However, her inclusion in any future films/flicks will certainly garner my attention. She finds away to come across as something of a mix of Bonnie Parker and Daisy Duke. What's not to love?

Milton and Piper of course carry the film, the cult leader is creepy but ultimately forgettable and William Fichtner plays Death with his usual character actor polish. Understated is always better, I mean, who can surprise Death? All in all it's well cast, well paced an a fun rental. Especially if you manage to get it for free.

Rating: A- (Tried to steal the sex scene-shoot out from Shoot 'em Up)

Movie Review: Wonder Woman (2009) Spoilers

I've had the pleasure over the past few months to rediscover several classic comic book tales through the increasingly stellar animated films that both DC Comics and Marvel Entertainment have been putting out straight to DVD.

Tonight I had the pleasure of watching Wonder Woman (2009). I've read the origin of Wonder Woman many times but have never found myself completely engrossed in the character. Historically, I've struggled with the worlds of magic/mysticism collide with that of the more common superhero. It's an argument meant for a different post entirely, or for that matter a white paper. However, this streamlined version of Wonder Woman, that introduces her to the modern viewer and does a good job of not overly explaining the mythology, was an enjoyable and eminently re-watchable version.

Wonder Woman, or Diana as she is known at the beginning of the film is voiced by Keri Russell. To me it's always a credit to a voice actor when I don't spend too much time trying to determine who it is. The voice fit Diana perfectly and I didn't even realize it was Russell until the credits rolled. Diana is given enough naivety and smarts to give the character's first interactions with the modern world seem plausible and natural. What was especially pleasing is that the tone of the film seems much like Diana herself. It never questions her abilities and moves forward with a consistent and entertaining tone.

Ironically, the fact that I immediately knew the voice behind Colonel Steve also improved the character for me. Colonel Steve is a hard character to accept at times. The carbon copy handsome, talented, charming blah blah blah. He's the star quarterback who donates his time to taking meals to old ladies and saving kittens from trees. At best he's grudgingly likeable. At worst, the viewer can't stand him. In a brilliant bit of casting, Nathan Fillion was brought in as the voice of Colonel Steve. Immediately, I couldn't hate the guy, no matter how hard I try. Fillion has made a career out of being the handsome, charming, seemingly too good to be true archetype that everyone can't help but love. No matter how strange some of Colonel Steve's lines could be worried or how the swings in his character's outlook changed, it worked. Mostly because Fillion's voice reminded you of some strange combo of Richard Castle, Mal and even Captain Hammer.

The rest of the voice cast is good to passable. Oliver Platt and Alfred Molina are excellent as Hades and Ares and the animation is never a distraction. On the whole an excellent rental and enjoyable for fanboys and regular watchers alike.

Grade: A

Movie Review: Superman/Shazam Return of Black Adam *Spoilers*

One of the biggest challenges as a movie fan is that it seems that often the marketing wing of a studio has no idea what a movie is about, so they just punt on the trailer, title etc. Superman/Shazam is a perfect example. What I completely missed is that on Netflix instant watch at least, it is actually a compilation of shorts about some of the coolest, underutilized characters in the DC universe. But the title and cover made me think it was a full Superman/Shazam movie. .

Due to this fact, it sat unloved on my cue for months. I'm not a huge Shazam/Captain Marvel fan. I think the introduction of "magic" as another Superman vulnerability smacks of writer desperation and the boy becomes superhuman with a word gimmick doesn't seem to work on a large scale. This is why I think that Captain Marvel, despite his obvious name issues, has historically been a mostly forgotten and underutilized character.

If the title of this film was DC Showcase: Forgotten Heros or even DC Showcase: Characters you really don't know, then I think it would have moved up my Netflix cue much faster. There are four separate shorts starring, Superman/Shazam, The Spectre, Green Arrow and Jonah Hex. The voice cast and art for each of the shorts is superb.

Each of these characters honestly couldn't carry an entire film (see Jonah Hex) but in a short, they shine. Superman/Shazam is passable, The Spectre is appropriately creepy, Green Arrow lasts just long enough for the character to be enjoyed but the holes not to show and Jonah Hex is a nice easy cowboy revenge story that doesn't need to waste time with details or character development.

If you're a fan of DC Comics or any of the animated series created or produced by Bruce Timm, I highly recommend giving this compilation a shot. Don't be fooled by the complete failure of the marketing department, there is value here beyond the tagline.

Grade: B+

Movie Review: From Paris with Love

Action movies are a interesting genre. The audience expects to be entertained, surprised, and amused. However, each movie treads a very thin line between worthwhile and worthless. At best an action movie can feel like a roller coaster of explosions, wisecracks and clever ways for bad guys to die. At worst it can seem disjointed, overly full of itself, packed with lame jokes and seemingly pasted together. From Paris with Love is a perfect example of both the highs and lows.

The Jonathan Rhys Meyers/John Travolta 2010 action flick has some very well scripted and shot action sequences. The rest is pretty much bunk. Rhys Meyers plays an ambassador's aide, James Reece, who also is evidentially a low level black operations agent. His main contact is a disembodied voice on the phone who Reece seems to blindly trust without giving the audience any reason to the he should. Travolta, playing a American spook stereotype and looking a bit like Mr. Clean's evil twin, is dropped into the movie as the main source of conflict and action. He kills without remorse, he cracks jokes, he makes Reece take drugs and wreaks general havoc on Paris. The first 40 minutes feel painfully like a forced overacted version of Training Day.

As a viewer, I kept waiting for the twist, the big bad guy reveal or the double cross. When it finally comes, in the form of Reece's fiancee, it seems completely out of context and laughable. In an attempt to shock the audience the move comes off nothing more than that. From that point on Travolta changes from lunatic to mentor and the second half of the movie feels entirely different from the first. The film hits rock bottom with a scene that clearly was added to the script once Travolta signed on. After a shoot out and the killing of several supposed terrorists, the two main characters share a heart to heart moment about killing and their work while Travolta eats and references his "royale with cheese". I kid you not.

As Redbox or Netflix rental, the action sequences and the overacting by Travolta are almost worth it. However with the sheer number of action movies available, I highly recommend finding another option. Michael Caine's Get Carter is a classic that show an action movie can be a true thrill ride without being just plain asinine. A much better option in my opinion.

Grade: C.

Movie Review: Paul

Tuesdays are currently my favorite day of the week. They often involve outings with my son, to the library to the pub for lunch, to the park etc. And Tuesday nights are the one evening that I don't have work or kid commitments, so it's all mine. Yesterday I have the pleasure of finally taking in a movie at an actual movie theater.

Paul starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, the creative minds behind Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz is unique for me in a way. It was the first movie that I have gone to see strictly because of it's promotion on Twitter. I've been following Simon Pegg (@simonpegg) for more than year and his updates have had me eager to see Paul for months. In fact, on the way to the theater I realized that I hadn't even seen a trailer for the film!

As Shaun of the Dead was to zombie movies and Hot Fuzz was to action so Paul is to science fiction. It exists as both an homage and a something of a spoof. Smartly written by Pegg and Frost, the script bounces from memorable landmark to the next in a cross country road trip that is part Crosby/Martin and part Tommy Boy.

It's clear that Pegg and Frost as writers love the subject matter as much as the characters they portray. The ensemble cast as a whole, is excellent with Jason Bateman, Sigourney Weaver, Jeffrey Tambor, Jane Lynch and more. There is even a vocal cameo by Steven Speilberg.

Paul is well paced and just long enough. It's smart enough to step up the line and just barely cross it. All in all, it was exactly as I expected. A clever, funny, well done film thats as much about science fiction fans as it is aliens.

Grade: A